He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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