He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
