you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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