The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
