How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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