we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
