Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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