Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
