Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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