please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
