you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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