I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
