I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
