I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
