My nipple is on Facebook.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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