Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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