I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
