you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
