Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
