so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
