So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
