i just wanna soil my oats bro
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
