ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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