Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
