I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
