I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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