A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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