I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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