I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
