I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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