Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
