I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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