I want to make a zoo with you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
