You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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