Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The air taste purple.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
