he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
