She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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