That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
