My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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