The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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