i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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