My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
