it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
