Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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