youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
