I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
