dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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