I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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