I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
