i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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