I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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