turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
