so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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