I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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