I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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