I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
