its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
